"Sauceda makes national headlines"

yay

2009-04-16T02:39:57Z

life!

sitting in the dark

2009-01-14T03:11:50Z

thinking about everything that can possibly be on my mind.

i need to stop talking to people i know are bad for me.

i want to get alot closer to jacob, senior year is close and i would never want to lose him. losing him is my biggest fear after graduating.

i want a significant other, to share music and warmth with

i want to be the boyfriend that gets talked about.

sex is good, relationships are better.
(SOMETIMES)

i need to stop eating soo much, im middle of fatt and sknny, i need to pick a fucking side.

i really want someone else in my life.

i am starting to give up on wanting to be drum major, its not like im a favorite or anything. so why even try. its not like im gonnna be respected.

i give additude only when i hear a raise in tone or a smart alec responce.

im tired of being under estimated..

its about time i take a stand for myself, fuck it.

i miss my old family, when we used to hang out. watch movies. now everyone just bitches.

fuck school, my grades are good, thats all i need.

i need that other person, im nowhere close to being independant.

:( i need to cry my eye balls out soon, i really do.

& i want someone to just hold me. . .

eco-what?

2008-12-29T21:12:03Z

today when i was walking outside to get the newspaper from the front yard.

i passed by a spider-web and a red lady bug caught my eye.

i stopped and saw it struggle, and like normal i felt horrible for it, but at the same time i thought about how it was a part of the food chain.

either release the ladybug and save its life, leaving a hungry spider.

or leave it to die and let the spider eat its meal.

i would have never once thought that this would actually make me stop and think.

that i had the power to change something, that i have the ability to save a creatures life.

i, with my hands, controlled the out come of a living being for once.

but at the same time this was a win-lose situation.

so i released the ladybug, and got a slice of bologna from the fridge and tore a small
piece off it and tied it to a sting and attached the string to a twig and hoisted it against the nest.

i think i did the right thing.

i think i did.

letters

2008-12-22T03:37:39Z

Excuse me lover, but you're just too nice,
and all I've ever been is cold.
Lover, how long have you been watching me?
Lover, do you know how long I've been watching you?

Excuse me lover but you're just too beautiful,
when all I've ever been is black,
Lover, how long have you been alone?
Lover, do you know we would never be alone?

Excuse me lover, but I only have this to say,
and its been with me before my time.
Lover, take me as yours
Lover, all I want to be is yours.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A picture worth one thousand words,
these words meaning nothing to you.
I saw the sky today,
grays matching the browns in your eyes,
the colder words you used to take me out of your life.
This beating,
this mention of a breath I did not dare to take,
Is it too late to tell you you're beautiful?
Or will this space find comfort in my words?
Will it be the one I never loved to take your place?
Lover, I took a life today,
Lover, I fear it was my own.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Take it for yourself, a heart as bare as mine.
All it has ever been good for is lying.
Make it speak the truth, let it find peace.
Erase from me this burden of sorrow,
bring unto me a new light, a new life.
You know everything I do is for you,
you know all that I want is just you.
Leave me your love at the door,
your feathers only make me sleep now,
tell me your dream, the one that lasted forever.
Tell me I'm yours,
let me know you're mine.
All this whispered in your ear,
my love, you're only mine.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Take it slow, take it easy, love.
Your heart cannot take much more.
Let it burn, let if light, love,
it only means you're alive.
Melt this heart with that smile,
warm it when you say, "I love you."

Is this real?
Am I still alive?

Breathe in deep, love,
the world lives only for you, my world.
Have more faith, love.
This will never end so long as we're together.

I'm not alive, am I?
this isn't real...
This isn't what I wanted.
"I love y-"

im pretty proud of myself peoples

2008-12-15T04:17:01Z

my photography skills have improved soo much lately.

<3

im finally where i want to be with photography.

check it out.

http://flickr.com/photos/33073641@N02/

WOOPWOOP

so while i was off

2008-12-08T01:36:29Z

the whole time i was off, running laps through your head. Did i ever once stop and tell you how beautiful the sunset was while i watched the reflection off your eyes? Did i also mention on how my heart seemed to float in my chest filled with excitement while your hands gently grasped mine? did i tell you?

i didnt did i, im sorry.

i was too lost, looking in my set of janitors keys trying to find the key that opened the door to your heart.

ill make sure next time i tell you. remind me.

<3

im in a loving mood.

amani.

2008-12-08T00:43:23Z

when you cry, a piece of my heart dies.

and when you frown, my world seems to stop spinning for 2 eternity's.

and when you make me smile, i can cope with whatever is wrong.

and now you are someone i truly worry about.

someone that in my heart, i would put before others.

someone, i love.

amani, i want you to have the world on a gold platter.

i love you woman!

lets go jazzercize <3

on letting go

2008-12-06T18:12:51Z

i think it's strange how i can be so heartless.
i love for a moment and forget the next.
i wonder how it's so easy for me to let go, and then i realize that inside i'm different than most.
others will care for as long as they can, will fight for what they're losing, and will only let go when they realize they're so far into it that it hurts them dearly.

me, well i'm not those people.
i work differently.
my cup is always either empty or overfilling.
my heart is so preoccupied with pumping blood to my brain to keep it on it's worst behavior that it forgets to feel at all.

the real difference between you and me is how we handle ourselves in situations like this.
learn to trust and i will learn to love.
in reality we can't connect, can't control our thoughts.
you cry while i laugh.
the end of this is the beginning of something new for me.
how long YOU will really hang onto it is just an impediment on your plans for a normal future.

life it.

2008-11-16T05:04:30Z

Humans created the notion of supreme beings because they had a need. Some of us don't. step toward the pain, embrace the loss, enroll in all of it because it is life, death, and reality.

life youre life, strong.

AMANI-KIRSTEN-BIBI

2008-11-13T04:13:59Z

DAYMNNNNNNNNNNNN GIRLLS YOO IZzZ Sommm Hawtt stufff

i got yo numbuh and i am goin 2 b hittin it up!

<3

lets

2008-10-26T19:07:21Z

build a bridge and get over it.

extraordinary mind

2008-10-01T14:20:42Z

intense texting

2008-10-01T14:14:40Z

"its hard to leave you, but i have to"

..ten minutes later..

"i cant leave you, i need you"

..two minutes later..

"if you never want to talk to me again, i get it."

..one minute later..

"i love you"

1st time with livejournal

2008-09-26T14:20:10Z

i swear drama and irony like to ride my back like a cowboy grasping a rope tied to a bull.

its not like i want drama in my life. it just somehow makes its way in.

right now im in the mood for fighting fire, with fire.
im tired of being walked on/talked about.

if you dont know me, get the fuck out of my life.

my hay stack is down to his last straw.
and im ready to combust with the flames of hell on anyone who gives me shit.

-alex.